So this blog entry has nothing to do with food. No. Not today. I need to vent about my ongoing struggle to find a functional relationship with my own mother. My mother drives me to the edge with her unwillingness to LET GO of her assumed position as an authority figure in my life. I am 35 years old and expecting a child with my husband in 5 weeks. I am a healthy, intelligent and happily married woman in the prime of my life.
5 years ago today, I moved far away from her. I moved to the other side of the country to start fresh, to shed the baggage I carried because of my parents. I found a job in medical research entirely on my own, starting at the bottom of course as a lab assistant. There I battled a couple work place bullies. They were attempting to make my life a hell at work and push me out of a job I was good at. I stood up for myself by going to the management then the union. I handled it with poise and skill and the outcome was wonderful: I was promoted to a higher position where I was aiding scientists in their research and got a nice pay increase to go with it. I am very satisfied in my line of work. I feel I serve humanity so it is very spiritually fulfilling to me.
I am a happy and successful person in the world. I am strong but kind. I am fierce and fragile all at once. I love the person I am that I have created from the choices I have made. So why can't my mother?
She is stuck in some sort of way of relating to me that expired 15 years ago when I was 20 and living on my own. In all those years she still has not been able to learn to treat me with the basic level of respect she would give another adult. Any time Is peak to her on the phone all she does is nose and pry for bad news. It's like my stress or bad news gives her some sort of satisfaction. Like she feels its an opening for her to be the authoritative mother who can advise me, condescend to me, criticize me and basically treat me as though I was a stupid child.. This enrages me to the point I explode. I swear at her and insult her. I cannot handle it. She drives me to the edge.
She says she is trying to help but all she is doing is making things worse for me. I've talked, no pleaded with her, so many times in so many different ways to please stop trying to mother me, just be my friend, that's all is needed or wanted from her, but she refuses to get on board. She wants tot be the mother in charge of me or nothing at it seems. She cannot let go of that role ad it is too the point where I feel I need to cut her off completely.
It is TOXIC.
It's bad enough I had to grow up with no stability because of her mental problems. But now I am becoming a mother and I don't need her toxic dysfunction poisoning the psyche of my baby boy. I want to protect him from what I had to see. He deserves better. My husband and I do not scream and yell at each other like my parents did. If I let her come around I will be screaming and yelling at her and the cycle is then perpetuated. I will not allow her to poison my new found happiness with her presence.
The dilemma is that as much as I hate her I also pity her. I feel a deep sadness for her as she is pushing 70 and living alone. She does have siblings and friends to keep her engaged but I know she is terribly lonely. I truly feel for her. I am torn between my hatred and my pity and there don't see a resolution. I hate her because I pity her, and I pity her because I hate her. It is a lose-lose situation.
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
Stollery Children's Hospital Cafeteria
I eat at the Stollery Hospital's cafeteria quite often and I have to say it is by far the best hospital food I've ever had. Not that I have a lot of experience eating hospital cafeteria food, but it seems like most places only have a Tim Horton's and maybe some other rinky dink counter serving soup and sandwiches.
Not so at the Stollery Hospital on 112 st, just a block south of the university. There is a cluster of 4 different counters right next to each other. The first offers different lunch specials everyday, the best being the Ukrainian special that comes with sausage, perogies and sauerkraut. My second choice would be the various versions of curry dishes they do. For a while they were serving this red coconut curry dish that was to die for but I haven't seen it on the menu lately.
Next door to them is the rotisserie chicken, you can watch pieces of chicken rotate on the spit behind the glass.. You can get a Swiss Chalet style chicken dinner with potatoes and roasted vegetables.
Then next to them is the Quesedillas counter. They taste authentic and come with chicken, beef or clubhouse which means there is bacon in it. They give you a generous helping of sour cream and salsa to go with.
The last counter is a bit strange. The lady that runs it has this habit of saying "next please" in this loud voice. And then when you place your order she repeats it in the same annoying drone voice. I guess she is just trying to make it as easy as possible for everyone involved, so everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing and things can be more efficient, but it does grate badly on the old nerves. They serve things like BLT's, wraps and chicken fingers. The Mediterranean pita wrap is my favorite, they aren't shy with the tzaziki sauce. This is also the counter where you can get breakfast every morning, so it has a special place in my heart.
Not so at the Stollery Hospital on 112 st, just a block south of the university. There is a cluster of 4 different counters right next to each other. The first offers different lunch specials everyday, the best being the Ukrainian special that comes with sausage, perogies and sauerkraut. My second choice would be the various versions of curry dishes they do. For a while they were serving this red coconut curry dish that was to die for but I haven't seen it on the menu lately.
Next door to them is the rotisserie chicken, you can watch pieces of chicken rotate on the spit behind the glass.. You can get a Swiss Chalet style chicken dinner with potatoes and roasted vegetables.
Then next to them is the Quesedillas counter. They taste authentic and come with chicken, beef or clubhouse which means there is bacon in it. They give you a generous helping of sour cream and salsa to go with.
The last counter is a bit strange. The lady that runs it has this habit of saying "next please" in this loud voice. And then when you place your order she repeats it in the same annoying drone voice. I guess she is just trying to make it as easy as possible for everyone involved, so everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing and things can be more efficient, but it does grate badly on the old nerves. They serve things like BLT's, wraps and chicken fingers. The Mediterranean pita wrap is my favorite, they aren't shy with the tzaziki sauce. This is also the counter where you can get breakfast every morning, so it has a special place in my heart.
Friday, 12 July 2013
Tacos La Mexicana
Authentic Mexican food is among my favourites. That's why I couldn't wait to try this place out when I heard about it. It's a little hidden place just off of Whyte avenue on Calgary Trail. The first time I went was around 6pm on a Thursday. The neon sign said open but the door was locked. We looked inside the windows and could see a guy sitting in the kitchen prep area behind the main counter. We knocked on the door and looked in the window again, he appeared to be vomiting into a bucket of some kind. Disappointed and disturbed, we left.
I didn't let that stop me. The promise of fresh Mexican food is too powerful for me to resist. When I crave a taco, I want a taco, a real one. So a few weeks later we went back to Tacos La Mexicana. This time it was open. The guy serving us looked to be the same guy who was vomiting before. He was the rudest food worker I've ever encountered. He didn't speak to us but rather grunted at us like we were a nuisance. (I later found out that this place is owned and operated by two brothers. Going by this rude mess of a man's general demeanor, I would assume he is the younger brother assigned the dirty work while the older brother collects the cash, perhaps that's why he was vomiting).
The tacos were mediocre, only a notch or two above Taco Bell. The meat was far too greasy. The best part about them was the fresh lime juice he put on them. The salsa was decent but not amazing. There are better tacos to be had in Edmonton.
I didn't let that stop me. The promise of fresh Mexican food is too powerful for me to resist. When I crave a taco, I want a taco, a real one. So a few weeks later we went back to Tacos La Mexicana. This time it was open. The guy serving us looked to be the same guy who was vomiting before. He was the rudest food worker I've ever encountered. He didn't speak to us but rather grunted at us like we were a nuisance. (I later found out that this place is owned and operated by two brothers. Going by this rude mess of a man's general demeanor, I would assume he is the younger brother assigned the dirty work while the older brother collects the cash, perhaps that's why he was vomiting).
The tacos were mediocre, only a notch or two above Taco Bell. The meat was far too greasy. The best part about them was the fresh lime juice he put on them. The salsa was decent but not amazing. There are better tacos to be had in Edmonton.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)